I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
