absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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