my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
