I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
