dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
