Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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