Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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