She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How external is "for external use only"?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
