That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
there is glitter all over my balls
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
