Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
