you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
