everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
