You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
