The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
