you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
