what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
