DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
