I hate your face
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
