The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the day after is always just damage control
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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