Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
