whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
