Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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