He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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