Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
