He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
