I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
