Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We are all done wearing pants today
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
