I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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