i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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