i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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