Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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