Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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