I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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