dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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