I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I looked at my own cervix.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
