I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
