Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
