i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
