I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
