There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
