i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize