i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
