like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
