dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
