apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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