it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
