I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
