Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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