apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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