My room smells like vodka and shame
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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