no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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