It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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