So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
