Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
