I skipped work to stalk him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
