Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
