Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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