Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
