She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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