my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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