so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
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she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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