did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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