I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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