I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
