I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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