Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
