I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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